Archive: Arttartectary diary submission 1 March 2005

Artland's brim has been overflowing the last couple of weeks and my little Arttart followers, as you would expect, I was there delving into pv's a plenty, just for you.

The imminently cursed Hayward seemed to have played a voodoo trump card with their latest exhib. Ethnicity being order of the day in money-pulling galleries, Africa Remix is a breath of fresh air. The big ole H has been transformed into a gallery as opposed to a display cabinet for a change. Make a bee-line for El Anatsui and Samuel Fosso.

As you might expect, I was lucky enough to get a cheeky ticket to see one of the recent Pina Bausch creations at Sadlers Wells. The sell out show did exactly what it didn't say on the bottle and the carnation-filled stage made for an interesting back drop to the quietly disturbing, political performance.

The newly acquired The Old Blue Last by Vice Mag held Bloc Party's album launch shenanigans. Compared to the old drab, dingy dive, the made over neon-clad bar played host to a plethora of musos. Carl from The Libertines was spotted trying to be impressive, flocked by a gaggle of adoring female fans buying cheap champers. One has a bad drug habit, the other just has bad taste!

Fortescue Avenue, a space to watch out for, is Jonathan Viner's new venture. The opening party was a ‘must be at' event. The premiere screening of Emily Wardill's ‘The Feast Against Nature' played downstairs and after some backyard bonfire bin action, there was the delights of The Rebels and the eye-opening, beer-can-crushing charms of Selfish **** to rock your world.

The mobbed Tomoko Takahashi installation at Serpentine pulled in the art crew. The bar marquee couldn't shelter us from the rain as a one-in one-out queuing policy was in force. Getting there early served in my favour, as the rabble zigzagged through the lost and found remnants of others' lives in the biggest snakes and ladders game I have ever seen.

It surely shouldn't be possible that Arttart could do any more. But armed with an Arttarthottie, we graced the Great Eastern Hotel with our presence last week at the opening of Suite, an Artjar conception, which overtook various floors creating sound scapes a plenty. We were then subjected to the disc joys of Fran Gavin, Franko B and the delightful Max Wigram. I mean what is a girl to do!

Now this week, you are going to have to go it alone in the wilderness of artland as I am off over the waters to Roma for some classical appreciation and hot art spotting. I am going to be missing some fine affairs, to name a few: Alistar Mackie and Alison Moffet at MW Projects; Graham Hudson at VTO; Marc Quinn at White Cube; Brian Alfred at H of V Bruton space…oh the list could go on.

So with tales of fountain antics to come, Arttart saying ‘Ciao' to my intrepid Arttartlets.

Archive: Triumph of the Arttart 08 Feb 05

How would I describe the first of three shows at the Saatchi gallery? Well, let's put it this way, CS certainly can't claim curatorial fame as the paintings hang low with awful descriptive boards clogging up the mahogany-panelled corridors of County Hall! However, the rammed opening made for eye-catching entertainment, celeb- spotting, paparazzi-shooting, canapé-smuggling attempts, stalking introductions and a few new fellow art aquaintances.

Good for Nothing's launch party at the Moonlighting club surely put Arttart´s patience to the test. Not only were we made to queue up, we had to tackle the challenging doormen and then had the tiresome task of trying to get a drink at the bar! The new look mag from the Sleaze boys has something going for it. Unfortunately, I didn't even have the joy of skipping the light fantastic to Lauren Laverne's mixing as I queued for what felt like an eternity, for the toilet.

So I decided to brake out of that joint and head over Hackney Wick-way to Gavin Turk's studio party to celebrate the completion of his work for his New York show and, by heavens, am I glad I made the trek! Dancing and general revellery was had ´til the early hours of the morn, we even had the pleasure of a one-off performance by Gavin and his little studio helpers´ band. A true treat!

A sneaky tour was had last week, courtesy of a new honorary Arttart, of the caverns of the old Museum of Mankind, a true spy moment, before The Premiums show opening at the RA. They truly outdid themselves in the canapés stakes, awards galore and, well, the art by the 2nd Year students can only have you waiting in anticipation for what these future art stars will rustle up!

Arttart recommendations of the week: Not to be missed, Lee Miller at the NPG, a small collection of glorious B/W photos of some of the most influential movers and shakers of the 21st Century, great to see Alfred H Barr Jr mucking in with the farming.

All hail the maestro Joseph Beuys at Tate M. Anyone and everyone that should have been there, was. Mr Paul Smith, accompanied by the two lovely ladies in his life, seemed to be most taken aback by Room 6, whereas good ole Trace E did nothing but chat amongst the Vitrines space. There was an onslaught of the Warrens and some oldies but goldies who have been missed on the circuit, who gladly chomped on the almond canapés, that still being the bar snack, the nut! Get some caterers in there, Nick!

An unusual choice for Arttart was to make it to Scout's, not always on the ball, but definitely finger on the pulse this time round opening, with William Gedney. These brilliantly moody photographs reveal a documentative Hopperish portrait of America. But then it was off to Cell to pat the backs of some old friends - watch out for the attack of the foam hand!

So what do we have in store for you this week, maybe some Turner Whistler and Monet at Tate B, or for the new kids on the block, Toby Stephens at the Curve, Africa Remix at the Hayward, Dan Flavin at Haunch of Venison and Conquests and Techniques: A Synthesis at The Ship. Might these whet your appetite? If not, there will surely be some more treats up my sleeve, so watch this space.

Hasta más adelante

Arttart xxx

Archive: What's it all about Arttart? 26 Jan 05

Gosh has been a while, well what with all the happenings in art land what else would you expect an Arttart to be doing but some art tarting! This came in true form at the over flowing Ian Monroe opening at H of V the other week. Wow the boy has truly come on leaps and bounds in lino expression but he still needed his father to describe his work to some more conceptually challenged invitees. A few of the clan snuck along to the after party on South Molton St and had a smashing time while the free bar lasted.

The undeterred art cattle, crowded out Vic Miro last Saturday for her photography show. What a heave hoe of circus acts was had, as people tried to get up the narrow staircase. Unfortunately the bar had run dry by the time I arrived but the glossy photographs by a plethora of artists sure made up for it. Arttart's advice of the week; skip the Turks at the RA unless you have a relative that you can't bare to converse with, then this would while away a few hours perfectly!

A reminder came last week in the form of the 1st RCA interim shows, of the trillions of art students that are bequeathed onto the art world. However the snotty nosed brats seemed to have conjured up some talent in the form of quite a few photographer's, watch this space! Last Wednesday was a riveting experience with bombing up and down regents street between Sadie Cole HQ for the over endorsed painter who should pay more attention to her amazing drawing skills and then the humorous video work by artist Doug Fishbone at Program. I then had to head down Farringdon way for the 30th birthday celebrations of a one near and dear at St John's only to be followed by a jamboree of Sadie Coles artists, the list of attendees read like the turner prize nominations. Juergen babbled away as Johnnie Shand Kydd not only hot footed it over from the gallery but then seemed to hot foot it around the restaurant from table to table, does that man not know any other eateries to frequent?

My week came to a close with the pv hopping that would put any Arttart to shame. Space twotentwo displayed the amazing ink drawings of John Walter whereas next door at Numbers gallery quite literally collaged what looked like a bunch of college drop outs together, it's all about Walter Benjamin don't you know! Vilma Gold was unfortunately postponed due to the artwork being shipped to the wrong city and well I just didn't have the energy for White Cube, so Ed Templeton at Modern Art got all my attention for his autobiographically slant on the skater community comprising culture and lewd behaviour in the form of mismash photographic, water colour painting installation. This week and the next there are some true corker openings. Anthony Caro at Tate B along with the first of three exhibs at Saatchi of his painting acquisitions. An attempt is being made to hijack me to some Burlesque night but I think I will have to refrain to keep my strength up for MW Projects tonight, Louise Bourgeois at Hauser and Wirth, then the Sleazenation re-launch shin dig and Gavin Turk's party. Come Saturday, am not sure I will have the energy for some Sketch canapés, oh well maybe if I force myself! 

Arttart logging off

Archive: The Year of the True Arttart 10 Jan 05

Happy New Year my intrepid Arttarts, I trust Christmas cheer was had by all. Last Year truly rolled out the red carpet on the art circuit revelry but my Arttart crystal ball informs me 2005 is the year to fill that bumper diary with all the invites of the frivolities to come.

It's your last chance to catch some of the delights from 2004. Fred Tomaselli at White Cube, where on the wintery pv night, mulled vino was sorely missed yet the exuberant colourful mixed media work make up for checking it out. Then there's Grate Britain at Cell, an eclectic mixture from carpet mountain bagpipe racket to the gorilla billboard postering from the wonderful Dan Griffiths. I wonder what Die Famille Schneider twins, who were spotted mulling around made of it, by being let off washing up duty?

Finally not forgetting the humorously enlarged monopoly board installation by Jen Lewandowska and Sam Levack presented by the Hames Levack duo under the stairs at The Trafaglar. Arttart nearly didn't make it due to the inconvenience of the Royal decent at the security frenzied ENO for some Royal Variety show malarkey, I mean the sheer outrage!

Now this week the gallery doors flew wide open for the opening of Andy Goldsworthy at Albion. All the art world money were out in force as champagne flowed and maybe more attention was paid to interesting outfits of the Battersea elite than to the wonderfully organic structures of AG. However one pv goer was overheard remarking on ‘What a waste of trees', golly they seem to have forgotten to teach art etiquette at finishing school these days.

For the highlights of the rest of the glorious onslaught of opening mayhem, tonight there is the remarkable solo show of Ian Monroe at Haunch of Venison, only a couple of years out of Goldsmith and this Saatchi backed artist presents an array of his vinylesque home interior collages, then a mere hop, skip and a jump away at Gimpel Fils we have an old tutor of yours truly, Pamela Golden.

Then as always the weekend has a couple of goodies; Henrik Plenge Larson at South London Gallery on Thursday, come Friday Stress Positions, however, Arttart and compadra are off to see Don Quixote at the Royal Festival Hall, I still have that theatre going bug that I caught over xmas and The Nutcracker and The Earthly Paradise don't seemed to have kicked the habit. But I will be strolling along to Vic Miro as she does the Photography world a huge justice in the plight of the return of painting crusade (I never knew it had gone anywhere!) and hangs some choice behind the camera stars on Saturday.

Arttart and out

Archive: Don't Blame it on the Arttart 07 Dec 04

Congrats to bookies favourite Jeremy Deller for winning the Turner Prize last night, unfortunately I wont be picking up my winnings, shucks what a pretty packet I could have made! So after the craze of the camping art buyer at RCA Secret has finally died down, I've emerged from the Arttart wilderness of the last couple of weeks to comprise a concise, pocket shaped low down for all you avid Arttartetonians.

I was lucky enough to be treated to rather lovely long lunch at the new cafe at the National Gallery along with my budding journo friends and I think it deserves a mention just for the deserts that I had to wait the entire meal to get my sticky little fingers over, for that reason alone it is sure to give brasseries all over Soho a run for their money. You would obviously have to bypass the hotel lobby marble clad new entrance in case you got mistaken for a wrong turn at nelson and thought you had ended up in the four seasons but with the hustle and bustle of the tourist train that runs frequently through NG, make a bee line for Degas and Raphael before they close for a gold ole Sunday classical jaunt.

On the other hand you could always grab your big nose and baggy pants from the dressing up box and head down Berkeley St way. Cindy Sherman was of course sporting a fine example of clown shoes at the opening of her show at Spruth Magers Lee the other week. Looking extremely inconspicuous, she paled in compassion to her big brash Clown photographs.

With a glorious hangover that could only be cured by a Saturday afternoon PV at Sketch, I anticipated the first London performance by Tobias Bernstrup. With the blackened video installation to calm the retina, the ever flowing champers but harder to pin down canapés tray kept the afternoon afloat until the transformer clad TB took centre stage and blasted us with his electro beats.

To follow on into the evening, Arttart was out partying for a second night in a row. After supporting the numerous Arttartcompadra's that are exhibiting in The Black Album show at Maureen Paley, there was the after party to rival them all. This is because it featured one perfect dancing element, a real 70's style-flashing dance floor. Oh yes kids, the art pack shaked their booty's in the darkest depths of Shadwell to tunes spun by the many birthday boy DJ's of the night, in a twister styley, beat the light cubes, in kung-fu toe stepping moves.

So openings this week that all true Arttarts will be congregating at are Fred Tomaselli at White Cube this Thursday alternatively you may prefer heading The Empire way for a Performance by The Icelandic Love Corporation. Come Friday we have Grate Britain at Cell Project Space or if you would rather a more further a field affair, hop on an easy jet flight and catch Bob and Roberta Smith at Baltic. To top off your art extravaganza weekend, skip merrily along with Christmas cheer to Curb Your Enthusiasm at Millers Terrace on Sat.

Air kisses galore to my little intrepid Arttarts

Archive: The Trials and Tribulations of an Arttart 12 Nov 04

Before we get down to Arttart business, did I mention my music highlight a couple of weeks back? No, how could this have surpassed my fingers, well it was The Bees at The Electric Ballroom that's what. The scuz may still be apparent in the gutter of NW3 but the isle of wighters overcame the gloom of London town and cheered a couple hundred of us lucky so & sos and warmed our hearts with their melodic tunes. Obviously Arttart got down on the dance floor at the after party to some oldies but goldies, request of the week has to be, bring back the Hammond! Well last week definitely took an animal stance. Haunch of Venison has to be top of the list being appreciated not only in the culinary sense (For the little black book that every Arttart should hold, Baltic in Southwark do a great H of V with baked pears!) but also visually. Reaming with art appreciators Keith Tyson wooed us with a new of batch playful colour explorations. New space Kemistry on Charlotte Road are surely going to give neighbouring galls a run for their money. With the electrifying mixture of wears on offer that must be snapped up sharpish means the boys behind Kemistry can only go from strength to strength. After trekking it through dim lit housing estates SE16 way for the London exchange of From Nowhere to Somewhere Without Return, the Coleman Project Space charmed me with its shed installations and water pissing pipe that had quite a few of us in question, was it art or just a bad plumbing job? Not to miss is John Stezaker at The Approach, what with the new gleaming extension housing perfectly framed collages by the 70's illusionist, its worth a quick see before you grab a pint of Guinness and make yourself at home in front of the roaring fire in anticipation of the ever nearing winter. Then last night we had a real treat not only did we get to saunter around Freud's house in Frognal supping on beer or for the new healthy fad drinker in all of us, a fruit smoothie, we also got to hear from the facial hair setter sporting the must have hamster sideburn, Will Self. To accompany Nick Cunard's photographs ofpsychotherapeutic environments , Self delved into his analysed past and gave us many anecdotes of his experiences in the therapist's chair. My, what a chuckle we had! So tonight we have the opening of Death and Magic at Keith Talent. Then next week the ever flowing river of openings offers up some Hauser and Wirth, Riflemaker, Alison Jacques, the former gagosian girl, Laura Bartlett Gallery and ooh many more. Air kisses to all you avid Arttarters xxxxx

Archive: The spotless mind of an Arttart 31 Oct 04

So I told a lie the other week and I did pop along to the opening of Frieze Artfair on the way to me rocker gig but do I wish I hadn't bothered, I mean queue in the rain, who do they think we are? Mere mortals! There I was dolled up in me glam gear, boots up to my ears, when we approached the entrance, by george were we greeted by wet unhappy F.A.F attendants with rather large brollies attempting to herd all oncoming VIP invitee traffic to the rather long queue. Yes Arttart kiddies, I went to have a look and no, I say we will not queue in the rain for what I hear was an over bulging opening with barely any room to breath. Am sure some may contest this opinion and say the queue did move rather fast but I didn't hang around to find out!

Come Friday, well even when it rains it pours in the artworld. It truly bucketed it down for the opening at Zoo. Norman Rosenthal really did well to make it not only to the opening but then to head back into town and catch up with father to be Max Wigram at the opening of Expander at the new RA Burlington Gardens space. Brimming with Arttart totty, a fabulous array of art and a few celebs, the evening swirled into a Galliano cocktail haze.

With hardly any art opening energy to spare, I stayed in bed while breakfast was served at Sketch and just about hauled myself up for the Millers Terrace, Oliver Payne and Nick Relph ornately patterned mirrored exhibition experience. All huddled under some tarpaulin, more alcohol glugging was had. ‘Did you go to this, I went to that' competitions were flitting around as the Arttart army moved round the corner to yet another over flowing after party at the local pub. Bring on Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You would have thought that we would have had enough come last Monday yet the week kicked off with the Franz Ferdinand curated night at Scala. A real mixture from van footed mod, to jungle animal chanting Bobby Conn, to hand me the ear plugs, The Kills. It was good to see Javis C and his lady sitting on the floor downstairs roughing it like the rest of us although I think some hardcore fans were a little confused at the avant garde attempt line up.

The straight in on Tuesday, Eagerly awaiting, early art snooper's stood waiting for Tate B to open its doors for the Turner Prize. Herding seems to be flavour of the month as we trailed like farm animals into the galleries. Mmmmmmmm, not sure about this one, already been a lot of scepticism. My money is on Yinka Shonibare with his headless girl on ‘The Swing after Fragonard'. Good to see the old masters influencing the C21 art stars.

Now keep your eyes peeled for the Arttart web site coming soon and yes some more stories from the plethora of art party invites I receive. xxxxxxxx

Archive: The attack of the Art Fair 13 Oct 04

The attack of the Art Fair 13/10/04

By golly Arttart kids if the avalanche of invites streaming through the letterbox for this weeks events is anything to go by, book your holiday off at work sharpish, cos I am reckoning that a well needed and deserved Arttart rest will be in order after this week's escapades are over.

However, I feel rather prepped for the PV surge after last weeks slow build up. Richard Wilson at Program proved that even the cleaner hovering their way up the office staircase would not put the pastel shirt wearing art world engineer to shame as he showcased his new ambitious proposal for an inverted building.

Obviously we had to swing by the Hayward opening to celebrate the circustastic, Eyes, Lies and Illusions. I suggest some candyfloss and a bumper size coca cola as your companion while you trawl through the mind-boggling exhibits. Whereas, earplugs may be the order of the day for those hearing impaired Arttartelders at the Bruce Nauman installation. With the reverberating hum of 21 audio pieces at Tate Modern, even the odd mini Danish might not save your sanity.

Now last night I out did my Arttart record and covered enough of Mayfair to claim ownership. Ringo Starr was spotted admiring the globule paintings of naked unattractive flesh by George Condo at Sprüth Magers Lee. PV'ers were expected to take their shoes off at Alison Jacques as they had just cleverly painted the floor of the upstairs space for Ian Kiaer solo show. All was redeemed however as Paul McDevitt charmed our eyes with delightful colour explosions at Stephen Friedman. Then a quick shimmy down to the Hames Levack under the stairs art at the Trafalgar hotel just in time for last free drinks orders before the real artart event started.

Hauser and Wirth truly out did themselves at Tramp. Jeremy Deller spinning some hot tunes even got the likes of Jibby Beane shaking her booty, then when has she ever needed an excuse not to. Interesting canapé combo's and lashings of voddie cocktails set the night in real swing. It would seem Arttart has even got her own stalker, definitely the latest must have art party accessory!

So tonight pearls and heels at the ready for the inaugural show at Ben Brown Fine Arts in Cork St, next Simon Periton round the corner at Sadie Coles followed by word on the grape vine, must be at after party, down back in the ole days hangout, Atlantic bar way.

I am taking an art break to enjoy the delights of me ole rock muckers, Seafood at ULU on Thursday, gonna be a cracker but straight back on the Arttart train come Friday for a real landside of London stomping, opening hopping, drink glugging evening. So seatbelts fasted, hold tight for Expander, Frieze Art Fair, Zoo Art Fair, Scope London and after parties galore! Waking with clear head of course for Saturday morning at Sketch, afternoon tea break then

Marcel Dzama @ Tim Taylor and clocking off with Oli and Nick at Millers Terrace.

Phew, will I ever survive; well watch this space!

Arttart Extraordinaire Tastic xx

Archive: No rest for an Arttart 06 Oct 04

Amid the ever nearing hum that is the artfair extravaganza, artarts to the ready for what is going to be a blow away of openings, artparty mingling, canapé chomping and champers glugging couple of weeks.

Now the night before last, I was lucky enough to be at the opening night of Faust at the Royal Opera House. What an adventure we had, we were shuffled up the Royal box staircase like true Arttart fugitives to find solace in the grand tier of our tres expensive (please adopt a bad French accent) seats and lapped up the 3 hour operatic delight.

So yesterday there was the monkey tea party weather to accompany the pleasure of Doug Fishbone's installation of banana's a plenty, 30,000 to be precise in Trafalgar square, now traditional outside spaces are becoming the new white cube.

Then last night at Tate M, although slightly lacking on the canapé front; it would seem that your local pub snack that is the peanut, is the new black or rather all the Tate could rustle up for the Time Zones pv. But the show way out shone the poor bar snacks, definitely make a bee line through the incredibly well curated space to the wet dog video by Fiona Tan, my heart wept for the poor mut!, With Nick Serota looking rather lost, probably too many young scally's for his liking, TM made up for it with stunner Stuart Comer. While green eyes looked on, the recently Vic Miro nabbed Conrad Shawcross was admired from afar, girls you know who you are!

This rest of this week kicks off tonight with Eyes, Lies and Illusions at the, we did have a face lift, not just a paint job, honest, Hayward . Tomorrow there is Giles Round and Seb Patane's (to name but a few) show at Redux with an afterparty or maybe you would rather flashing lights boy, Martin Creed at Hauser and Wirth or lets push the boat out for some now legal paint action at Inspired down Portobello -way. And the day after tomorrow, why not pop by to see Sarah Baker at 1 000 000 MPH and skip into the weekend with laboured draughtsman, Tim Noble at Interim Art.

Now if that just isn't enough for you, I suggest you save your energy for next week's gargantuan torrent of events. Just to wet your appetite, we have Bruce Nauman, Sadie Coles promised to be Arttartfantabulous party, the opening of Frieze, Expander, sketch breakie and the art duo phenomenon of Payne and Relph. Gosh am Arttarted out from just thinking about it.

Lots of love my Arttartlets

Archive: Last of the september Arttart 28 Sep 04

I bet you thought I had forgotten all about you, how could I when you little Arttartlets having been practically biting the hand that feeds you with your wails and woo's of where is your up to the minute email saviour!, well my darlings I thought I would keep you waiting in anticipation for the review of my frolics of last week and delight you with the tales of this!

Firstly must mention fabulous canapés at Hamiltons, you truly out did yourself TJ pity the staff couldn't keep the glasses of bolly from shattering everywhere, I mean how an earth is an Arttart to survive in this ever becoming dangerous art world, wonders will never cease!

So if you missed B.A.W then you are just not British enough for moi! Cos the Tate did nothing but celebrate our sorry arses last week at TB, awash with the stuffy and new, TB attempted to delight us with acquisitions and a good ole shuffle around of the storerooms to see what they could muster up in the way of new exhibits!!!! Gosh poor Nick must be awfully bored with reinvention a plenty!

Now some of you may have trampled over to the lovely max wigram's gall, or others may have tried to catch a glimpse of old models at James Coleman's She's No Angel opening or even stretched further a field to ole Deptford for some revenge of romance, I did, but after the trauma that was the combination of tights, heels and some rather wobbly made John Bock wooden adventure playground in the ICA I just couldn't bare the thought of putting my Arttartness through another pv escapade!

The week came to and end with lashing of vodka and lovely Mathew Williamson adorned coca cola bottles at the closing party of Sophie Brown's curatorial delight at 3 Colts Gall and on the way home I was sure to pop by my fav bagel shop and grab one of those glorious salt beef and mustard pick me ups! East London , you just got to love it!

And now for something completely different …words of the week….“Brava” , now please make sure you do not confuse this with “Bravo” or “Rather” but use it as the word was intended, for example, watching some lovely men in coloured leotards from the San Fran ballet corp gallivant around on stage, when clapping commences, to show your appreciation, roar with pride, BRAVA! It works a treat! Gosh you really can't get the audiences these days!

Yeah yeah enough already, it is Arttartinis time, this weeks frivolities kick off with Martin kipperberger @ Gagosian Brit St , worth popping to just for a free bevvy! Dare I state the bleeding obvious? Next up, cheque books at the ready for the Art Review auction of recent RCA photography grads at the Great Eastern Hotel or maybe you would rather something more low key in the shape of Braveart at the atrium gallery at Whiteleys of all places for. Now if you have the petrol, get on up oxford way for a miss swain, shouldn't miss pv. And they just keep on rolling in, as if we hadn't had enough more RCA grads at the Hiscox building or maybe you would rather a little Welcome Trust action a la the Science Museum !

By golly Arttartkids tis really the week for it !!!!!

The Arttart has spoken xxxxx

Archive: True Arttart never sleeps 13 Sep 04

Well my darlings, what a week we had, the spills, the frills, the hoorah's, the delights and the frights.

Phaidon by far rocked 3 little ladies world in north London , in the ole Saatchi haunt, wonders will never cease, why on earth he ever moved to tout the south bank! Cocktails were served till the bitter end however poor show on the ceramic buckets of bread sticks and Sainsbury style yoghurt dips. But to make up for it there were lashings of eye candy for both sexes, which till now has been rather thin. Oh sit down at the back you pretty boys, we weren't talking about you!

Now I am not sure if words can completely explain the realisation that even Celine Dion can be really very super cool, well that is if Alain Platel gets his hands on her. About 20 dogs, crazy set design and a very eclectic mix of dancers and opera singers adorned Sadlers Wells stage to really titillate all your senses, all I can say is WOW.

The down side of last week was Gagosian's Brittannia St's poor excuse for an exhibition; I mean why bother, if the art can't keep up with your private view beverage!

So tonight kicks off with Glenn Brown at the Serp, a little too muddy for my gold ballet pumps, but well worth a Wellington stroll across the park. Now tomorrow we have a real treat in store, how do ya fancy a bit of Parky and not the TV kind, no mister man behind the camera Norman ? Yes oh yes please Tim Jefferies can we have some photies to keep the abode looking dapper!
With the weekend slowly creeping in, trek down to deepest darkest Camberwell to check out what Steve McQueen has been up to at South London gallery and to truly kick into the weekend have a swig of Liverpool Biennial or if you want something a little more lukewarm and close to home, I think new space Spitfire's installation piece by Marta Marce might be just what you are looking for.

Keep your eyes peeled my little Arttartents for stories of frivolity and true debauchery next week.

Arttart if you know what is good for you xxx

Archive: Arttart is the word 07 Sep 04

Well my Arttartonians yes tis here again, the only thing that keeps you glued to the comp in anticipation has arrived once more, and gollly gosh what a week we have for you.

Tonight, oh yes tonight, for those of you with a finger on the pulse, you need no notice but for those of you with a schedule as long as my arm, apols! So what part of town do you fancy, where haven't you frequented in a while, cos we have it all for you, bit of Piccadilly, well then get going to the rather fabulous old bank, no show is ever going to be as good as the opener Paul McCarthy, Hauser and Wirth. Or if you would rather some south river trail maybe the Jerwood drawing prize is the thing for you. The lovely cycling Stephen Walter will be exhibiting his wears. Otherwise I will be seeing you at good ole Larry's new dive, where the MDB hasn't discovered head and shoulders and the space overshadows the work!

Blimey could it be getting anymore hectic, it is just so mammoth this week, many, many lovely Arttartlet parties to be seen at, so tomorrow kicks off with the more private than private underground chamber off the Strand for Greg Rook's ‘Salvation is a cowgirl' at Adam St, then mosey on down to the launch of Man in the Holecene, and if you have the Phaidon invites get down to the old Saatchi space on boundary road for some celeb shoulder rubbing for the launch of Patons Republic, gorgeous b/w prints of actors and politicians, always a good mix.

Day after tomorrow if you still have the energy, by god yes we have, all true Arttarts should be able to make the whole week of soirée's without complaining about their aching bones and weary feet! So feast your eyes on Sam Dargan 's adorable paintings over at the Prenelle gallery, it's a floating gallery don't you know in canary wharf alternatively I am skipping the art for one night, dare I say this? And jumping on the music and theatre bandwagon and going to the opening of Wolf and maybe catching some rather hush improve mini gig at a music shop, no, no, no I didn't say that honest.

Do we have a break a hear you cry, never. The onslaught of events reaches a pinnacle with Daniels 31 st birthday, need I say more! And if you still haven't had enough and want your Arttarting to carry on into the weekend then party east way at Vic Miro and Modern Art. Well that about covers everything; think I may have to report back on the progress of this week! Seeing as it is cram packed with some real corkers.

kisses my little Arttart poppets

Archive: Arttarting Season Open.... 1 Sep 04

So as we say a jolly good riddance to the never was there summer sun we embrace the onslaught of a rather fabulous art party September heaven.

Yes art tartlets, you thought I had forgotten all about you, oh no, I was just catching up on some fresh French alpine air to get me in the mood for the stampede of events coming this way. Obviously it is all kicking off with the lovely miss Sophie Brown’s curated show at the 3 Colts Gallery in good ole Bethnal green this coming Friday 3rd Sep. Yes you wanna be there checking out the art and up and coming talent that will be ozzing from ever orifice if you know what's good for ya! Just in case it had evaporated from your memories, PV starts at 6.30, well you know it has been a while.

Three Colts Gallery, Unit 207 (2nd Floor), Greenheath Business Centre, Three Colts Lane
Bethnal Green, London E2

Now if you are not there for registration as you should be, I certainly hope to see your faces at next weeks ridiculous number of affairs all starting off with a little bit of drawing, wirth and brittania action, watch this space……………………..

Art tart and out!

Archive: Trials and Tribulations of an Art Tart Apr 03

So there you are, a budding artist trying to tap into the London art world for its up n'coming attractions as well as its tradtion and suddenly you find yourself in a whirl wind that is today's art scene, free drinks a flowing and maybe the odd canape if you wangle a vvvvvvip invite, fashion victims a plenty, celeb packed members bars with wanna be hangers on, not to mention the stimulating conversation and a few lechy men which is to be unfortuatley expected!
So Becks Futures was the place to be last week with buckets of free beer a plenty. Many artist sporting bad fashion statements, Liz Neal with a new hair doo (oh dear!), Neil Rummings was spotted floating around most probably still reeling from not winning last year and Jamie from the now defunct Jamtart.com reign looking quite frankly a little sheepish. It transpires that the mad man who swewd wood to his feet all in the name of art is a big fat con - well would you expect anything less from today's art wanna bees?

So while attempting to spot new bate to swoop down on the evening took an unexpected turn and before you know it there you are lying over three men in the back of a very tiny car, which for some one such as myself who is vertically challenged is not exactly how a lady of leisure wishes to be chauffered around, having said this, the car belonged to the guy everybody wants to know and we were being driven to the latest haunt for all high flying celebs, Sketch. So there we were Mohito's by the dozen, pod (their slant on the 21st century toilet cubicle - more like a scene out of Alien) excursions at the ready, Clive Owen spotting and a guy who used to work for Kids TV so not quite the high profile one might have been hoping for but then you heard it here first that a place that opens in December is quite frankly out of date by January!